"The triumph of hope over experience."

[brdgt]

Inspired by a recent conversation with loreofcure I've been thinking about how one of the things about planning a second wedding after divorce is realizing how our culture is so ashamed of divorce.

People seem shocked that I happily admit that I've done this all before - should I sound bitter? Should I pretend it didn't happen? Should I pretend that I'm not infinitely happier now and that divorce was ultimately a good thing for me?

Half of American marriages end in divorce - why do we pretend like it doesn't happen?

It would be healthier if we were less ashamed and more proud - that experience made me who I am and I'm happier with myself than I've ever been. Why should I be ashamed of surviving that, learning from it, and being more sure of myself and what I want from a relationship?



Also, god help me if someone buys us picture frames as a wedding gift.

Comments

[c-maxx.livejournal.com]

Yep, it's all a learning process, and we get better at it as we go.

That's well worth being proud of, and doing it again, even better, is an accomplishment!

[loreofcure.livejournal.com]

I've become such a huge believer in self-discovery through suffering (what up, Buddha) because guess what? There's just no escaping heart ache; this includes divorce. It includes illness. It includes any sort of major suck. Or minor suck. Or moderate to severe.

And I still think of that amazing Facebook group: "Bridget's divorce was the best thing to happen to my social life."

[astronautical.livejournal.com]

I was really really really unsure about mike and if he would even want to get married again after his divorce, but we talked about it (GASP), and he was *totally* into it. If I were to examine myself with honesty, I would have to confess that my insecurity on that point had more to do with MY OWN issues with marriage, and nothing at ALL to do with his.

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

It's funny -- we don't have this same stigma about our unmarried exes, and surviving those kinds of breakups. Surviving a divorce is almost like another level -- you should be MORE proud, because it's like playing life on a higher difficulty setting.